The first 1:1 you hold as a new manager — or with a new direct report — is disproportionately important. It sets the shape of every 1:1 you will ever have with this person. Do it well and the rest get easier. Do it badly and you'll spend six months dragging the relationship out of a ditch you dug in thirty minutes.
This post is a script. It is not a template to copy; it is a script to read, absorb, and then throw away before you sit down.
I'll give you the whole thing first, then walk through it line by line.
The script
You: Thanks for doing this. I want to use this first meeting to set up what these are going to be like going forward, more than to dig into any particular thing. Is that okay with you?
(Pause. Wait for a real answer.)
You: Good. A couple of ground rules I try to hold: these meetings are yours. The agenda is yours. I'll bring things too, but if there's a week where you want to talk about something totally outside of work, we do that. If you want to skip it, we skip it — but I'd rather you told me what's going on than just no-showed.
You: Before I ask anything else — what do you hope these meetings are going to be useful for?
(Listen. Take one note. Don't respond yet.)
You: Can you tell me about your last manager?
(This is the important one. Listen for a long time.)
You: And what's something a previous manager did that you really appreciated — that you'd want me to keep doing?
You: What's something a previous manager did that you hated?
You: How do you like to get feedback? Direct, sandwich, in writing, on the spot — what actually lands for you?
You: What are you working on this quarter that you think I might not see, because it's not on a dashboard somewhere?
You: What do you want to be doing in two years that you aren't doing now?
You: Is there anything you want to ask me?
You: Last thing. I'm going to write down what we talked about today so I don't forget. Anything you want me to specifically remember?
That's it. Nine questions. One opening. One closing. Thirty minutes, give or take.
Now the annotations.
Line by line
"Thanks for doing this."
Not "thanks for your time." Thanks for doing this. The phrasing matters. "Thanks for your time" is airline-lounge language. "Thanks for doing this" names the thing as a real, chosen act. You're telling them: you're here because we both decided to be here.
"I want to use this first meeting to set up what these are going to be like going forward."
You are making the meta-move explicit. This is a meeting about the meetings. That's why you're not going to ask about OKRs or their current project. That's on purpose. If you skip this step, the default shape of the meeting will be set by the first concrete thing they bring up, and it will be hard to change later.
"…more than to dig into any particular thing. Is that okay with you?"
The question at the end is crucial. You are asking permission to hold a frame. Most reports will say yes. The ones who say "actually, there's something I really need to talk about" are giving you a gift — they've just told you the meeting is an emergency. Drop the script and take it.
"These meetings are yours. The agenda is yours."
This is the single most important sentence in the whole script. You are naming a thing about the 1:1 that is easy to say and hard to mean.
The 1:1 is not your meeting. You are not using the time to get status updates. The person across from you is the point, and the time belongs to them. They set the agenda. You bring things, but you don't dominate.
Say it in the first meeting and mean it, or don't say it.
"If you want to skip it, we skip it — but I'd rather you told me than just no-showed."
Give them an explicit out. Counterintuitively, this reduces no-shows. People no-show out of guilt or overwhelm; if you've pre-granted permission, they tell you instead of ghosting. And "I'd rather you told me" establishes communication as the default.
"What do you hope these meetings are going to be useful for?"
This is the best question in the script. It does three things at once:
- It tells them that you think this meeting has a purpose.
- It gives them agency in setting that purpose.
- It reveals their frame. "Career development." "Getting unblocked." "Just to check in." Each of those answers tells you something different, and you'll want to know which one they picked.
Take a note. Don't argue. Don't "yes, and." Just listen.
"Can you tell me about your last manager?"
You will learn more from the answer to this question than from any other single question you can ask. Not because their last manager was good or bad, but because of how they describe them.
Do they describe their last manager in terms of the manager's behaviors? ("She gave me a lot of autonomy.") In terms of projects? ("We shipped Falcon together.") In terms of feelings? ("I trusted him.") In terms of deficiencies? ("He was always on his phone.") Each of these is a signal. You're not diagnosing them. You're beginning to understand how they think about the manager role, which is how they'll think about you.
Listen for one more thing: the emotional register. If they describe their last manager with affection, you are following someone they liked. That's a harder job than following someone they didn't — you're going to be compared, and you need to know that. If they describe their last manager with relief at having escaped, you're starting with a trust deficit that wasn't yours to earn. Either way, name it quietly to yourself.
"What's something a previous manager did that you appreciated — that you'd want me to keep doing?"
You are importing a working practice from someone else's management style, approved by the person who was on the receiving end of it. You won't always be able to deliver, but you've told them you'll try.
"What's something a previous manager did that you hated?"
Ask this one. A lot of new managers skip it because it feels negative. Skipping it is a mistake. If you don't learn what lands wrong for this specific person, you will do exactly that thing in month three and then be confused about the reaction.
Tactical note: if the answer is vague ("they weren't very supportive"), push gently for specificity. "What's an example of that?" Do not interrogate. One follow-up is enough.
"How do you like to get feedback?"
This is an operational question. The answer will be imperfect — most people don't actually know how they like to get feedback until they've received a few rounds of it — but the answer they give today becomes the starting point. You can revise together.
"What are you working on this quarter that you think I might not see?"
This surfaces the invisible work. Every report has some. The person who is quietly mentoring the new grad. The person who is carrying the on-call burden nobody wants to carry. The person who is doing the cross-team coordination that makes everything else possible.
If you don't know what the invisible work is, you will under-credit it. This is the question that makes you not do that.
"What do you want to be doing in two years that you aren't doing now?"
Career question. Frame it as aspirational, not contractual. You are not promising a promotion; you are collecting a direction. If the answer is "I don't know" — which it often is — the follow-up is "What's something you did in the last year that you wish you'd done more of?" That question is easier to answer, and it often points at the same thing.
"Is there anything you want to ask me?"
Don't skip this. In the very first meeting, most people won't have a question — the power differential is too fresh. That's fine. You're telling them the door is open, for this meeting and every one after.
If they do ask something, answer honestly. If they ask something you can't answer, say you can't answer it and say when you can. Do not fudge. Fudging in the first 1:1 is an unforced error.
"I'm going to write down what we talked about today so I don't forget."
This is a small sentence with an outsize effect. You are telling them: what you say here matters enough to me that I'm keeping track of it. I am going to follow up. The things you mention are not going to disappear into my Monday.
Then, actually do it. The next 1:1 is where this payoff lands. Opening the second meeting with "you mentioned wanting to do more architecture work — I've been thinking about that" is a trust-building moment that only exists because you made the promise and kept it.
"Anything you want me to specifically remember?"
Closing asymmetry, closed well. You're asking them to curate the one thing they most want surfaced. The answer is often a small, almost embarrassing thing — a partner's name, a pet's health thing, a standing Tuesday conflict. Write those down too. People do not forget that you remembered.
One last note
After the meeting, block fifteen minutes on your calendar — right now, before you read on — and use it. Write your actual notes, not just the script answers. Capture the emotional register. Note one thing to follow up on next week. Mark it. Then close the laptop.
Do this for every first 1:1, with every new report, for as long as you are a manager. You will forget which practices built trust with which person and which ones didn't. The notes are the memory. The notes are the job.
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Meetmora keeps the first-1:1 notes with you for as long as the relationship lasts, and surfaces the right ones when they matter — not just next Thursday, but next November.